so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
