When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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