that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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