I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize