beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
