Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
