a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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