Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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