wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
