xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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