the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
