Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
