I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
