It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
