One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Terrible idea I love it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
