Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
