a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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