I'm eating all of the evidence.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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