Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
