I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
