I'm drive I can fine osifer
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
