Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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