So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
