I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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