So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
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It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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