My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
