He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
