please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
