piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
