I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
