what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
