I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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