it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
