Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
