I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
