before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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