I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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