is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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