He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I will pee on everything he values.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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