someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
