and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
