At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
