I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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