You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
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I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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