i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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