i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
