One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
