So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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