suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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