Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
