mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
