Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
two words...techno handjob
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
