Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
