No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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