Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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