I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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