Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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