Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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