i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
