mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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